19 August, 2007

Heeding advice from parents.

My penchant for writing started since I was young. Actually I started writing and drawing comic books in my school exercise books. Many of my friends during primary school days was into it. I could recall some of the titles I authored or co-authored. Among them was White Dogs (Some vile comic about prefects), RBS & Co, Radar Man, Alright Boss, Selamba League (super heroes stuff) and Battered Skies (warplanes). Slowly as I got older I started to read a lot of stuff. Flowers in the Attic was a favourite snitch from my mom's collection and Alien. Mind you I was only 15 then.

Over the years after that I became somewhat lazy and didn't draw nor write like in my school days. Perhaps the interest in girls took me astray somewhat strongly. All but until a year back I found this urge to express things I had in my head and heart. Thus after years of writing in test pads I came to the point of blog authoring. Thus this blog "Bullets of Quills and Ink" came into existence.

I earn money from paid post mostly but it's not what entirely drives me to write blistering thoughts and opinions on socio politics. I remembered very clearly when an officer of UiTM during my tribunal hearing asked what do I my self think of who I am when I write within these digital pages. I confidently replied "I am a Nationalist". I still think I am. But, definition of a Nationalist can vary between individuals.

Just not short of 2 weeks ago me and my girlfriend decided that we should think seriously of the future. It took me two seconds to think and the answer was a blatant "YES, Why not? Lets get Married". But it struck me a bit later that with that answer I have to change a bit. I can't be thinking for "me, myself and I", I need to think about "us, we and ourselves". Obviously the decision was forwarded to both parents of ours.

Just then my father said in a very serious tone of his. I thought he was going to object or tell me something directly relating to my decision. But instead he asked about what I wrote that day. He appeared concerned that with what I write and how I wrote it would later put my future wife in danger or great stress. I was denying what he said could be true but deep in me I know it might happen and it was a sinking feeling that I have not felt in a very long time.

I got stripped of my education for this blog and for simply being honest and blunt for my views. I was prosecuted for things that came within the interpretation of civil servants on AUKU who think they have the right to strip my rights for an education. I never said sorry and I never shall.

Now, I believe that socio political blog authors can be from 3 groups of individuals. First, those who have Royal blood connections like RPK. Second, those who are directly connected or are members to the opposition party and lastly those who are not affiliated to any political party or influence which have no other responsibility towards others but themselves. I belong to the third before I made the decision to take my lovely girlfriend into marriage.

Now the plans are slowly coming into swing and I have to make a decision. Would I want to risk writing blistering loud opinions on socio political issues and put my wife to be at risk of stress or even grief? It's with great sadness and reluctance that my decision has to be to preserve my future marriage and family. Considering that the authorities and ruling party these days are so gung-ho in their actions with knee cap IQ decisions I can't put anything into such a risk when slowly more and more people come under my responsibility.

NO, I shall not delete anything that I have wrote thus far. I want all of these digital pages here to stand as proof for the future that sometime in the past we had these kind of leaders, we had these kinds of problems and we have made so much more mistake and we were paying for it. I will still continue to write in this blog but in a manner that might put most of my dear readers off. Perhaps they would call me a chicken or coward now.

My apologies to my readers. I have choices and I have made my decision. But be rest assured I will fight for what I believe in in many other ways. Just that it would not be made public or out in the open. As they always say....beat them at their own game.

*snif snif*


cherwith said...

Sigh...You know I can understand where you coming from...I have thought of this many a time, previously I used to write a blog which I made sure was not listed so circles around a few friends but then after some time I thought, what's there to be afraid of, if I'm scared I will be for my entire life in everything that I do! That explains what I write these days but things have changed drastically over the last few months especially or shall I say since the beginning of this year.
It is truly sad that we have to CHOOSE.We have restraints ourselves from saying what is right....That we have to be afraid that our loved ones will be hurt for our actions. I have not yet come to that stage of my life and I believe when I do I will have to re-think what I'm doing and decide the course of action......

Since young, my parents have always told me to fight for my rights, stand up for what I believe in and like you such advice has been given to me too. It's very complicated isn't it?

But you do what you have to do my friend...as you said there are many other ways to go about things so you do what you have to do....but don't stop blogging completely will ya? :)

beautiful.me said...

i guess,a decision must be made and I respect your decision.Hope you will continue your blogging ( perhaps in more neutral manner so that you wont be caught in between?).

anyway,congratulations :)