25 September, 2008

Start your own crony based business.

These are tips on how to successfully start up your own business based on the crony business model. Yes, it has been a successful business model proven in this country for 50 years~! So it is practically fail safe~ well unless you are an idiot.

Step One:
Make friends with politicians. Especially those who have the power to blindly sign large amounts of documents. The bigger and more terrible their signatures are the better. Some skill in forgery might be useful in this area in the not too distant future.

Step Two:
Register a One Ringgit company or business. No worries if you do not have the capital. Based on the practice you have forging signatures your business establishment will be up in no time. At this stage it is good time to brng your politician friends home and show them your 100% copied free business plan.

Step Three:
At this point it would be wise to have a Lawyer friend. He need not be well versed in business law but as long he is a lawyer should do just fine. He will draft up all the agreements with lots and lots of fine print and clauses at the most secluded sections in the document. The smaller the fonts the better.

Step Four:
Get other politicians to jump in by invitation of your politician friend. Do not let them know exactly who you are. Perhaps try to even ask for a free Datukship on your behalf~ Now you have a modus operandi~ all there is need to be done is to siphon the capital from your partner's pocket into yours~

Step Five:
Pitch for government projects that your politician partners have an interest in or within their constituency. At this point it would be wise to get in your family members who are willing to put their name on documents. Remember, do not ever put your name into such documents or agreements.

Step Six:
Sub our all the projects you got to some other company and make them pay a premium for so called administration charges. In other words you are so called acting proxy to them. But you have to be smart.... always make a margin of 15% and no less. The more the better.

Step Seven:
As the main con (pun intended) never let your sub-con meet your directors or the project owners. Otherwise they might undercut you and you are screwed. Usually projects are paid according to percentage of completion as per agreement. So this would be a good time to devise an exit strategy with the paid up sum~

Step Eight:
Once the payment is in~ have it all covered in accounts as expenses. A good accountant can do that for you in a jiffy. Tax evasion is one of the sure fire ways to earn a huge profit.

Step Nine:
When you are finally bored of the whole thing so call make a goodwill transfer of shares to your political friends (the actual value of your shares are actually zero because you have siphoned it all out with the help of your dear accountant). As a good gesture give your accountant a healthy sum for helping you on your exit strategy.

Step Ten:
Retrieve all your riches from those family members you have used their names for and give them a tiny token of appreciation.....now you can probably live the rest of your days in the Bahamas. Yippeeee~!!!

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